Bambang was a diligent administrative staff, but unfortunately, he had one mortal enemy: the autocorrect feature on his phone. That day, the office atmosphere was incredibly tense. Their big boss, Mr. Broto—a bald man who rarely, if ever, smiled—was leading the annual evaluation meeting. Making matters worse for Bambang, his hemorrhoids were flaring up severely. He couldn’t sit still and kept shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
Seeing Bambang squirming like a worm on a hot sidewalk, Mr. Broto snapped, “Bambang! Why do you keep shifting around? Are you not focusing on my presentation?”
Panicking, Bambang quickly typed a WhatsApp message to his close office squad consisting of three people: Joko, Siti, and Sri. His actual intention was to type:
“Man, my hemorrhoids are flaring up so bad. Sitting feels like being on a bed of hot coals. I really want to ask to leave early.”
However, because his fingers were trembling from the pain and his left eye was anxiously watching Mr. Broto, his thumb hit the send button without double-checking. The cursed autocorrect had completely butchered his message into:
“Man, my ambition is goating so bad. Sitting feels like being on boss’s lap. I really want to kiss to leave early.”
To make things apocalyptic, Bambang misclicked. The message wasn’t sent to his private squad, but straight into the Official Office Company Group Chat, which included every single employee, Mr. Broto, and the entire Board of Directors.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Everyone’s phone in the conference room buzzed simultaneously. Mr. Broto halted his presentation, read the message, and his face instantly turned as red as a boiled lobster. He glared at Bambang with a look that could melt solid steel. “Bambang… Who exactly are you trying to kiss? And whose lap are you talking about?”
Joko and Siti, immediately realizing the situation, buried their faces in their hands, desperately covering their mouths. Their faces turned purple, the veins in their necks bulged, and their bodies shook violently. They were in the ultimate phase of suffocating from holding back their laughter until their stomachs cramped.
Bambang, finally looking down at his screen, felt his soul instantly leave his body. “I-I am so sorry, Mr. Broto! That was autocorrect! I meant my hemorrhoids are flaring up, not a goating ambition!” Bambang panicked and stood up abruptly.
RIIIPPP!
Because he stood up way too fast, the seams of his older, worn-out work pants ripped wide open right at the back. Joko and Siti’s defenses crumbled entirely. They literally fell off their chairs, rolling on the floor, gasping for air as they laughed soundlessly.
Mr. Broto could only pinch the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply, “Bambang… just go home. Go fix your ‘goating ambition’.”The next day, Bambang still showed up to work because there was a critical event scheduled: a massive meeting with investors from Japan.
To save his still-aching backside, Bambang brought a donut-shaped orthopedic cushion he had rush-ordered online.However, traumatized by the ripped pants incident from the day before, Bambang made a bold decision: he stood perfectly straight for two full hours while presenting the financial reports in front of the Japanese investors, never daring to sit down once.
He endured the throbbing pain entirely for the sake of professionalism.During the lunch break after the successful meeting, Bambang finally slumped exhaustedly into a cafeteria chair, sitting on his donut cushion. Across the table, Joko and Siti were still occasionally covering their mouths, giggling at yesterday’s memory.
Bambang took a deep breath, stared into his black coffee, and spoke in an unexpectedly poetic tone, “Do you guys know the actual philosophy behind hemorrhoids? This pain teaches us humility. In this corporate world, we are always hustling, chasing promotions, and grinding just to sit in a softer, fancier chair.
We think happiness is all about ‘the position’. But once the lowest part of your body hurts, you realize: no matter how ergonomic or expensive the chair is, if you haven’t made peace with the burden you are carrying inside, sitting down will always be painful.”Siti, who was about to take a bite of her food, froze in place.
Bambang, finally looking down at his screen, felt his soul instantly leave his body. “I-I am so sorry, Mr. Broto! That was autocorrect! I meant my hemorrhoids are flaring up, not a goating ambition!” Bambang panicked and stood up abruptly.
RIIIPPP!
Because he stood up way too fast, the seams of his older, worn-out work pants ripped wide open right at the back. Joko and Siti’s defenses crumbled entirely. They literally fell off their chairs, rolling on the floor, gasping for air as they laughed soundlessly. Mr. Broto could only pinch the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply, “Bambang… just go home. Go fix your ‘goating ambition’.”
The next day, Bambang still showed up to work because there was a critical event scheduled: a massive meeting with investors from Japan. To save his still-aching backside, Bambang brought a donut-shaped orthopedic cushion he had rush-ordered online.
However, traumatized by the ripped pants incident from the day before, Bambang made a bold decision: he stood perfectly straight for two full hours while presenting the financial reports in front of the Japanese investors, never daring to sit down once. He endured the throbbing pain entirely for the sake of professionalism.
During the lunch break after the successful meeting, Bambang finally slumped exhaustedly into a cafeteria chair, sitting on his donut cushion. Across the table, Joko and Siti were still occasionally covering their mouths, giggling at yesterday’s memory.
Bambang took a deep breath, stared into his black coffee, and spoke in an unexpectedly poetic tone, “Do you guys know the actual philosophy behind hemorrhoids? This pain teaches us humility. In this corporate world, we are always hustling, chasing promotions, and grinding just to sit in a softer, fancier chair. We think happiness is all about ‘the position’.
But once the lowest part of your body hurts, you realize: no matter how ergonomic or expensive the chair is, if you haven’t made peace with the burden you are carrying inside, sitting down will always be painful.”
Siti, who was about to take a bite of her food, froze in place.
“We often push ourselves past our physical limits, skipping bathroom breaks and neglecting our health all for the sake of what we call ‘professionalism’. We forget to take care of the most valuable asset entrusted to us: our own bodies,” Bambang continued. “And about that ‘goating ambition’ text yesterday… My thumb might have slipped, but my subconscious was being honest. In this rat race, if we blindly chase ambition without using logic and conscience, we just become like ‘goats’—noisy, easily herded by others, and ultimately led straight into the slaughterhouse of severe burnout.”
The cafeteria table, previously filled with mockery, fell into a profound silence. Bambang’s words struck a deep chord regarding the harsh reality of modern corporate life. Suddenly, a deep, heavy voice interrupted from behind them. “A very interesting perspective, Bambang.”
It was Mr. Broto, holding a cup of hot tea. His face, usually as rigid as a stone wall, had softened. He walked over and gently patted Bambang on the shoulder.
“I apologize if our department’s work culture has been so demanding that you forgot to take care of your health. Your philosophy just reminded me that a great leader isn’t measured by how long he can keep his staff glued to their chairs, but by ensuring they work comfortably and go home healthy,” Mr. Broto said sincerely.
The big boss then smiled—a rare, historic sight. “I just got word from the executive room. The meeting was a massive success. The Japanese clients were incredibly impressed by your presentation. They actually thought you stood up for two hours straight as a sign of supreme dedication and deep respect for them. Therefore, starting tomorrow, our department is implementing a flexible hybrid work model. And as for you, Bambang, you are fully authorized to work from home until you are completely recovered.”
Bambang’s eyes welled up with tears of gratitude. The ultimate embarrassment and physical pain from yesterday had bloomed into something beautiful—not only giving him the time to heal, but also sparking a healthier, better corporate culture for everyone in the office.
Written by: bhayaksa.net
